Seasons are like humans

Our family has recently been on a wonderful week  long vacation to Florida.   I am sorry say (or maybe not) that we di

Girls vs. Boys

I come to this blog today in deep thought, fueled by emotion.  I was thinking back on the first time I ever held our first born daughter, and it seemed like it wasn't that long ago.  And now, she is a mother herself...of two wonderful boys.  The experiences I had as a first time Mother were all very new and precious.  I cherished every milestone, and photographed so many moments.  She very rarely had a messy outfit, or diaper.  I catered to her every need, and loved doing so.  My love for her was so strong that I  would stare at her as she slept, kiss her little forehead and thank God for blessing me with a daughter.  Then, we discovered we were having baby number 2!  Oh the joy in our hearts!  When we discovered that we were having another girl, the news was bittersweet.   I knew that I could be a good mom to a little girl, but wanted to experience raising a boy as well.  However,  she came early, and was a sweet, dark haired angel.  Her poor little body didn't  cooperate sometime, because she had sever reflux and some formula allergies.   I  ached for her each time she would nurse and fall into a "milk coma" just to be abruptly awoken by a massive, projectile  reflux attack full of brestmilk that had started to curdle.  It must've been awful for her, because it smelled horrendous!   She eventually became a little better with medicine  and many soothing baths, or massages.  Finally, as she was nearly 2, we had a son.  Let me just say that aside from an occasional  loaded pee as I changed his diaper, this little guy was EASY PEASY!  Perfect,  right??  I  loved our kids, and now had a 1st grader, a 2 year old and a newborn son.  The first grader took the position of bossy little "second mom" and loved to help out.  There were many times  we would give her suggestions  and she "knew" and quite often rolled her eyes and said "I know, I know!" The 2 year old was very curious and quiet and often got herself into certain messy situations that typical 2 year olds get into.  Peanut butter, chocolate syrup, make-up and yes...scissors.  She was also becoming  more independent  and wanted to "do it herself" and loved making sure we heard her when she said..."NO!"  The little guy just loved to cuddle, and gave us the best smiles. 

Rescue me?

Today has been one of those days where I really wish I had a superhero that could come to my Aid and bring the quick relief. At times I am so dismayed at how ugly humans can be to other humans. Long ago, I was taught by my Dad that it never hurts to smile and it doesn't cost a thing. However, it seems the more I smile at people, the more they become paranoid or suspicious or flirtatious- one or all of the three. It's not really supposed to be a world where everyone scowls and nobody interacts with one another... therefore I need rescued. Some sort of superhero, superhuman, super Spirit or being, needs to find a way to bring more joy into my life. Because, it might be just too difficult for me to find it for myself when I'm surrounded by Grumpy's. Last night, as I was talking to my husband about the different trials I have gone through throughout my childhood and 10 years on into my adulthood, I could only be grateful for the lessons I've learned instead of live with regrets and the things that I may have done or the offenses I may have made. So comma after speaking with my husband, I felt some strange relief. He told me I was good enough, and then I was loved, and everything was going to be ok. I was hopeful. But I also believe that he wouldn't lie to me. So, and some strange Twist of events after I reflected upon my relationship and conversation with my spouse, I came to the conclusion that He Is My Superhero. Jesus Christ Is My Superhero. Followed closely by my husband Asa. Who has ever been so patient and loving toward me when I'm at my most unlovable moments.

Never ask Siri

Well, you know the times when you feel completely drained, and when it feels that nothing seems to be going the way "I had planned".  So, I  started doing what no addict should do...I started thinking about an escape.  Not really planning to actually escape, but just wondering if just one last time it would be okay...to have a farewell to addiction.  I didn't want to call a friend/sponsor because I really knew the answer.  I decided to turn to a perfect unbiased source...SIRI.  Yes, I  got my device and asked Siri if it would be okay to make a choice I really shouldn't make just ONE LAST time.   In my mind, I must admit it sounded like a good idea, but her response was:  "I cannot help you with that".   Truth is, she couldn't.   Now it was MY turn to really see for myself the answer.  Addiction is tough!  It is nearly a continual vise that doesn't like to go away.  We all know the answer.  One last time NEVER happens.  Because it starts back a terrible, controlling force that makes us feel defeated and lost.  So, naturally,  we keep on doing wrong because it "doesn't matter now" or because we feel a loss of control.  Each day we become stronger.   Yes, thoughts enter our minds about the "what ifs" and so forth.  That's when it's time to do what I like to do with a crying baby or toddler.  I use the "art of distraction".  Do anything to distract a sad or yucky feeling for a better one.  It worked for my big baby self!  Day by day,  hour by hour, minute by minute we can overcome our addictions.   It can happen, and one day, the thoughts will fade, and desires will change.  Being patient and smart is so important.   Do not rationalize any wrong choice.  A wrong choice is just that.  WRONG!  Distract your mind, your thoughts and your focus.  We can do this!